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Road to nowhere, Western Montana

My sister woke up to sunshine and cool weather this morning 1,448 miles north in Northampton - god that sounds sublime. Energy in the air; the hint of what's next. Anything different sounds nice right now... instead of our constant 93 degrees, humid, and sunny week after week down in Miami, waiting for a hurricane to come a-knockin'. The girlfriend is in the kitchen preparing for a little barbeque we are having this afternoon. I'll shortly join her to fire up our glorious Big Green Egg (oh yeah, the BGE!) for a few quality hours of smoke. But my head is elsewhere: 2 months and dozens of steps away.

We get to certain points in our lives and careers where we have a hard time in the day-to-day focus of things. There are to-do lists in front of us, assignments to be completed, oil changes to remember, but we are ahead of ourselves. Right now I'm in one of those places; deep in the struggle not to drift off and relist mental pro-and-con tallies, weighing the future. Because of the way things are, there is only vagueness to be shared here; gray thoughts and asides. In that future it'll become clear, and hopefully so will I.

But between the arguments and devil's advocacy, there is the often missed truth that it is a blessing in itself to be free enough in life and work to actually change. I'm in that happy position, and I can charge ahead and can do whatever makes me happy. As much as I am grateful, I also see that that freedom doubles as a harness for the fear that my choices will be the wrong next step, and the fault solely mine.

Next month will mark a full year of blogging at DwaDM and I suppose not much has changed as much as I feel on the edge of something new. Miami is still challenging and exciting (and exceptionally frustrating) to live and work in. Judyta and I are still (and ever more) wonderful together. I'm still shooting 98% editorial assignments for a large cast of extremely diverse magazines, making my portfolio of work still pretty lacking in focus to some potential editors and art directors. Still the same struggle to find time, money, and motivation for my personal projects, but feeling the deep need to continue to try and push.

And still the fascination with what comes next: the next city for Judy and I, the next client and assignment, the next opportunity for expanding my vision, the next collaboration with a new friend, the next effort to push into new markets, the next tools to help get my name and passion out there, the next next.

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Comments (1)

That's really the excitement of it I suppose. Knowing that there is a "next". What "next" will take you up or around. I think the frustration of not quite being "there" - and there being really quite satisfied with the body of work that you do is so difficult to deal with sometimes. It can easily take away from that precious focus that is so requisite.

But the patience sneaks in a little (maybe more with age) and you think that is it will come, as it has been coming and you have been getting better, stronger. And you are lucky.

Anyways good post. Hope it all works out for you.

-Sherman

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